Crow's Nest

Our dedicated lookout has reported some rather peculiar sightings from his lofty perch. Between his frequent “strategic rest periods” and tea breaks, he’s sworn on his mother’s favorite teacup that he’s witnessed the most extraordinary maritime phenomena ever documented.

Last week alone, he submitted a detailed report claiming to have spotted a mermaid riding a seahorse while solving a Rubik’s cube, and a group of dolphins wearing top hats performing synchronized swimming routines to classical music.

Recent notable sightings include:

• A giant squid playing chess with a whale shark
• Flying fish practicing for their pilot’s license
• A pirate ghost ship selling timeshares to passing vessels
• Penguins on vacation riding jet skis
• A rowing boeat crewed entirely by singing sea cucumbers

The Helm

Our state-of-the-art navigation system relies heavily on the ancient art of reading cloud shapes and following particularly motivated seagulls. The ship’s wheel, a magnificent piece of mahogany that squeaks exactly like a dolphin’s laugh, is primarily used as an excellent coat hanger during peaceful voyages.

The real steering happens through our patented “Serendipitous Navigation System™” – we simply convince the ocean currents they’re flowing in the wrong direction through sophisticated reverse psychology. Our success rate of reaching intended destinations is a proud 12%, though we’ve discovered fourteen previously unknown islands and one mysterious floating coffee shop in the process.